i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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