i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
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ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
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I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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