I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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