Can i not drive my cunt home
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize