I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize