just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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