I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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