you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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