I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I haven't been this sober since birth.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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