I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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