Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
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I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
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The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize