...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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