I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
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Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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