i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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