Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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