So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
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He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
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Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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