GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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