glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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