i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
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But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
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Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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