I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
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he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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