It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
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I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
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Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
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