someone owes me an orgasm
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize