the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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