I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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