Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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