All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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