3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
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Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
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A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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