yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
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I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
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I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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