tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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