i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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