Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
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We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
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I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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