i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There are leaves in my underwear?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize