I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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