I hate your face
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
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The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
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Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
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