Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize