Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize