Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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