come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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