I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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