Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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