Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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