So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's not a walk of shame if you run
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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