It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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