Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
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my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
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My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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