You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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