I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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