Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
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I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
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I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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