Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i out mim tonsoeep
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