Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
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I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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