I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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